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در طی یکماه گذشته دو بار طغیان کرده ام. بار اول پس از گذشت سه ماه از خرابی کامپیوترم دیگه تحملم تمام شد. گوشی را برداشتم و زنگ زدم به یکی از اقوام و کامپیوترم را سپردم دستش تا درستش کنه. پدرم را در برابر کار انجام شده قرار دادم چون دیدم انگار برای تنها چیزی که پول ندارند تعمیر کامپیوتر من است.
طغیان دوم یک طغیان و طوفان به تمام معنا بود. از طریق یکی از دوستانم سریالهای L word و queer as folk را به دست آورده و از هر فرصتی برای دیدن قسمتهای مختلف این دو سریال استفاده می کردم. منتها چون کامپیوتر نداشتم مجبور بودم از طریق دی وی دی داخل هال نگاه کنم. یکی دو بار که مادرم رفت مسافرت و من تنها بودم که شبانه روز مشغول تماشای سریال بودم اما بقیه مواقع آخر شبها که همه می خوابیدند سریالها را می دیدم. منتها همه دیگه فهمیده بودند من دارم سریال همجنسگرائی می بینم.
Queer as folk که شروع شد بعد از دیدن چند دی وی دی مادرم به پدرم گفت که من سریالهای ناجور می بینم. پدرم هم من را دعوا کرد و گفت خونه ما حرمت داره. من هم در جواب گفتم من که جلوی شما نمی بینم. وقتی خواب هستید می بینم. من هم دلم می خواهد سریال مورد علاقه ام را ببینم.
دو شنبه شب هفته گذشته پدرم توی هال روی زمین خوابیده بود که از او خواستم به تختخواب خودش برود اما او مثل بچه های لجباز گفت نمی روم، من می خواهم همینجا بخوابم. گفتم من می خواهم سریال ببینم. گفت ببین. گفتم نمی خواهم حرمتت شکسته شود. و انفجار از همینجا شروع شد. پدرم شروع کرد به دعوا و من هم افتادم رو اون دنده. گفتم فکر کردی فقط دی وی دی هست. اصلا من از همین ماهواره کانال ســ ــکـــــ ــس می بینم. بعد هم زدم روی عرب ســ ــکـــــ ــس. بقیه ماجرا در یک جمله خلاصه می شود. حسابی کتک خوردم. البته من هم بی کار ننشستم و خلاصه حسابی دعوا به پا شد. منتها من زورم به پدر و مادرم نمی رسید و راستش را بخواهید هنوز که هنوزه جای چنگالهای مادرم روی دو تا پاهام مونده و کبودیهای پای راستم خوب نشده. به این می گن یک خانواده فوق العاده تحصیل کرده و باکلاس. من می گم تحصیلات انسانها را با فرهنگ نمی کنه شما بگید می کنه.
آخر سرهم مامانم زنگ زد به دختر عمه ابریشم و او هم اومد آتیش را تندترش کرد. او که تازه فهمیده بود من بهش دروغ گفتم سریالهای گی و لز*بین را ندارم، برای اینکه دی وی دی ها را به او ندهم ببیند، همینطور آتیش می گذاشت زیر پای پدر-مادر من. در کمال وقاحت برگشت گفت پدر تو حق داره تو را بگذاره لب باغچه و سرت را ببره و پدر دموکرات و طرفدار حقوق بشر من که دائم برنامه های صدای آمریکا و اخبار حوادث را دنبال می کنه و دم از بی فرهنگی دیگران می زنه (و البته من همیشه بهش گفته ام تو در خودشیفتگی خودت غرق شده ای و کم از اون آقائیکه هاله نور بالای سر خودش می بینه نداری)، همین پدر فرهیخته و حقوقدان من برگشت گفت من تاحالا باید صدبار سر تو را بریده باشم. برگشتم گفتم ای بشر، ای انسان دموکرات خیلی ممنون که منت گذاشتید و سر من را نبریدید.
از آن طرف هم مادرم برگشت گفت تو چرا فیلم ســ ــکـــــ ــس می بینی (البته بگذریم که این سریالها مثل همه فیلمهای خارجی صحنه ســ ــکـــــ ــســـــی دارند اما فیلم ســ ــکـــــ ــســـ ــی نبودند)، ســ ــکـــــ ــس یک چیز غیر عادیه. گفتم کی گفته ســ ــکـــــ ــس غیر عادیه، خیلی هم عادیه. مادرم گفت اگر عادیه چرا همه نمی رن وسط خیابون ســ ــکـــــ ــس کنند؟ گفتم به همان دلیل که شاشیدن و ریدن عادیه اما همه نمی رن وسط خیابون بشاشن.
ابریشم برگشت گفت تو مگر همجنـــــ ــســــ ــــبــــ ـازی. گفتم بله من هستم. بدین ترتیب من علنا کامینگ آوت کردم. خانواده ها در برابر کامینگ آوت سه جور عکس العمل نشان می دهند. یک دسته باور کرده و گرایش جنسی فرزند خود را می پذیرند و با آن کنار می آیند. یک دسته باور کرده و گرایش را می پذیرند اما به شدت فرزند خود را توبیخ می کنند. دسته سوم اصلا چنین چیزی را باور نمی کنند. خانواده من از این دسته اند.
ابریشم گفت همتون با هم برید پیش مشاور. گفتم من دلیلی نمی بینم بروم پیش مشاور. گرایش من یک گرایش نرماله. ابریشم ادامه داد: اگر نرماله چرا پنهانش می کنی؟ گفتم: من کی پنهان کردم. مگه من اون دفعه خونه شما راجع به گرایشم با شما صحبت نکردم. اینقدر هم دو رو نباش. مگه خود تو نبودی اصرار می کردی فیلمهای همجنسگرائی را برایت بیاورم ببینی. حالا که می بینی بهت ندادم داری آتیش به پا می کنی. من گرایش خودم را نرمال می دونم. تو وقتی سرطان نداری یا سرت درد نمی کنه نمی روی دکتر. من هم به همین دلیل لازم نمی دانم پیش مشاور بروم. من گرایش خودم را نرمال می دانم. حالا اگر خانواده من این گرایش من را آنرمال می دانند این مشکل آنهاست. بروند مشکل خودشان را حل کنند.
من اینهمه برای پدرم درباره همجنسگرائی توضیح داده بودم و کتاب هیلگارد را جلوی او گذاشته بودم. مصاحبه های صدای آمریکا با آرشام را جلوی او می دیدم و اینهمه با او بحث کردم اما در آن دو شنبه شب دیدم که واقعاً من اگر با دیوار هم حرف زده بودم تأثیرش بیشتر بود.
وقتی گفتم من همجنسگرا هستم ابریشم گفت من هم اگر یک دختر زیبا ببینم لذت می برم. از حرفش خیلی لجم گرفته بود. با جدیت گفتم اما من وقتی یک دختر را ببینم و ازش خوشم بیاید دلم می خواهد باهاش ســ ــکـــــ ــس داشته باشم و قبلاً هم با یک دختر ســ ــکـــــ ــس داشته ام. ابریشم که حسابی توپوزی خورده بود گفت واقعاً؟ گفتم واقعاً. دهن ابریشم بسته شد و فقط تونست بگه به هر حال اینجا خونه پدرته. هر وقت رفتی خونه خودت می تونی دختر ببری خونه ات.
پدرم اون شب حالش خیلی بد شد. می گفت دخترم از دستم رفت. اما خوب بعد زندگی ما دوباره روال عادی خودش را در پیش گرفت. خوشبختانه کامپیوتر من هم درست شد. منتها الان من دنبال یک فرصتی هستم که بتوانم یک جوری یواشکی بقیه سریال queer as folk را، اینبار از طریق کامپیوتر، ببینم.
فقط خدا کنه کسی نفهمه.




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